so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
do nipples grow back?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
