he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
