Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
