So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
