Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
