there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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