He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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