Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
