I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This is my gift to your gina
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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