Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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