I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
two words: eviction party
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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