so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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