Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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