Whod you bang
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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