Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
