Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
