he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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