Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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