as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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