Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
