You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.