he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.