i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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