shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
ttyl tear gas
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
