She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
