the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Bring me that man meat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
