I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
