Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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