i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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