I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
