Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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