Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
