Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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