Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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