It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize