I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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