Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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