I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
