He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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