He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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