your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
