You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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