I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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