My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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