I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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