So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
