Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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