Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
