you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
