so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
