I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
