I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
