My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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