I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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