textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
