margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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