It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
