I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
