So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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