girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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