dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
