I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
