Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
