remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
