I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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