So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
