remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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