i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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