It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
