Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im holly from the hills drunk
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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