So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
