Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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