so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
