woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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