He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
