I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
