Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
