WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
